Intake
-By Timothy Lyons
I first met my client, who I will call Janet, when she came to me for help after she had a Domestic Violence incident with her husband. It was a culmination of a number of incidents that were progressively more dangerous and violent. Her husband Bob and she had been together for 12 years. They had two children ages 9 and 11.
Janet wanted to have both her and Bob come to Domestic Violence therapy together but I had informed her that I would only have her as a client and I could recommend someone to help Bob. She told me their story. She and her husband had never had much money but Bob had a good job as a construction foreman. For the first 9 years of their marriage things had been fine. Bob had fallen at one of the jobs and he injured his back. The doctors had attempted to help Bob with his back. When they did surgery it was never the same. Bob was given a prescription for an opiate pain medication. As time went on the pain worsened and Bob got more pain meds. He also began to drink. He started to feel depressed.
The two of them decided that Janet could go back to work and Bob could stay home.. Janet got a job selling carpet at a nearby store and made decent wages. Even though Bob had been injured and it had nothing to do with his wife, he began to blame Janet for his problems.
Domestic Violence
Some days when Janet would come home Bob would have taken enough pills to be drowsy. He would drink and sometimes would pass out. But before he did so he began about three years ago to both verbally and psychologically taunt his wife, this is domestic violence. His actions toward her began to become violent as he lashed out. One night he began to yell at her and call her names. The children were in their rooms and were quite frightened. When Janet tried to calm him down, Bob exploded and hit her in the face and stomach repeatedly. She was bleeding and cut. She called the police.
When she came to me and asked to have them both come to counseling for domestic violence I told her that I would explain as we went along but that I must inform her of her rights as my client and I had her sign an informed consent for. I told her that as time went on I would be helping her understand more about her abuse. She was adamant that at some point she was sure she had done something to “piss him off”. I told her that she was the victim not him. I also told her that there were a number of reasons why I would only treat her.
I explained that the fact that she might not really be able to speak to me if her husband were in the room. It is also important to only discuss abusive behavior and the problems relating to it. In this type of therapy it is most important to deal only with that and not on other issues that might be happening in the relationship. The abusive behavior has to stop before any other issues can be solved. And, a part that I consider most important although subtle, is that in discussing abusive behavior there are times where she might talk about her part in the abuse. The abuser could use cues that are given by the therapist to justify abusive behavior. The therapist might unwittingly increase abuse. (Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence,) So I explained that any type of couples therapy would not happen as it is a conflict of interest until the abuse stops. (Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence.)
The beginning therapy sessions for domestic violence will concentrate on making Janet aware of and understand that she is not at fault. I will being to teach her about the cycle of violence that she has been encountering. From (Crime And Violence Prevention Center, 2002) I will give her a copy of this handbook and discuss the cycle of violence with her.
Work with the client
First I will talk with Janet about the phases of domestic violence. There is the tension building phase that occurs before the violent episodes.(Crime And Violence Prevention Center, 2002) It will be something that she can sense and something of which she should be aware. He may lash out at her in anger or call he names. At this point she probably will and has internalized this and tried to see where she has gone wrong while accepting blame. Since this has continued as an escalating violent situation, I will let her know that even though she might think she can control her situation it is at this point that she must seek out help. She must also be aware that the kids are being affected by his behavior and this should be the impetus to reach out.
The reason she finally sought help now is that this cycle has ended in an eruption of violence. This is the part that she must learn will come again and again in increasing violence if she does not seek help and her husband is not willing to get help and stop. I will let her know that during this time her husband is out of control and her and the children could be harmed. (Crime And Violence Prevention Center, 2002) This is the main reason she should get help before this happens.
Revealing the Issues
I will discuss with Janet those times when Bob has been remorseful about his behavior after domestic violence has occurred. This is a time when she might feel relief that the abuse is over. He probably has tried to apologize and show her love. I will let her know that this is a very dangerous time as well. It is a time that feels good and that is dangerous. It is a reinforcing period that can lead more battering. There have been studies that show that behaviors that are rewarded will repeat and this is just that type of reward. (Crime And Violence Prevention Center, 2002)
The last part of our therapy will involve teaching Janet just how to keep herself safe if she decides that she wants to continue the relationship. As outlined in (Crime And Violence Prevention Center, 2002) She must make a safety net or list of persons that she can call in case she feels there might be trouble of is there is an outburst. We can even make the list during a session if that will help. She must decide where she will go if she has to leave. This can be a friend, relative or even a local shelter. She should have a bag packed and on hand at all times for her and the kids in case she has to leave suddenly.
Be prepared
I will help her with a list of important items that she might want to have easy access to. This will include money, license, credit card and an address book. She might even want to put copies of her and the children’s birth certificates, some personal items including social security cards and possibly medical records together in an easily accessible location. If she has to leave I will let her know that it will be easier to have these things ready.
It would be preferable that she not let Bob know where she is going if she does decide to leave. There are many things she can do to help keep her whereabouts safe and she can go to the Safe at Home web information center at the Secretary of States website. She can get a PO Box and even an agent of service so that her and her children’s information can remain confidential from Bob.
Outside Help
I will help explain that Janet can use the courts to help. She can get restraining orders against Bob. She can have a long term protective order placed against him for her and the children’s protection. Bob will not be able to have or purchase a firearm while this order is in place. She will also have the power to call the police if Bob violates the order and he can be arrested. He may end up in jail and Janet may have to testify if it gets this far. I can help counsel her through a difficult time like this.
In the end, Janet will have more choices than when she started sessions with me. She will be empowered and will hopefully be able to make wiser choices. She will have the ability to protect herself and her children.
References
California Secretary of State Safe at HomeCalifornia Secretary of State. (n.d.). Safe at Home. Retrieved May 13, 2016, from http://www.sos.ca.gov/registries/safe-home/about-safeathome
Crime And Violence Prevention Center 2002 Domestic violence handbook: A survivors guideCrime And Violence Prevention Center. (2002). Domestic violence handbook: A survivors guide (December ed., Rev.).
Ducamp, M. (n.d.). 12 Reasons Why Couples Counseling is Not Recommended When Domestic Violence is Present. Abuserecovery.Org. https://abuserecovery.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Couples-Counseling-and-DV.pdf
Goodmark, L. (2007). Achieving Batterer Accountability in the Child Protection System (SSRN Scholarly Paper ID 1019076). Social Science Research Network. https://papers.ssrn.com/abstract=1019076